| Relieved |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|09:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
Ok so i came to realize that there is really no reason for me to be unhappy.I have a wonderful family and friends that care about me. I dont really know why i was even thinking about the people and things that happened to me in the past...the past shouldnt matter it should be about my life right now and right now my life is good. It has been bothering me that men have been treating me like a piece of ass but u know what from now on im not gunna let it slide im gunna speak up n tell them to stop or dont talk to me anymore. I made my new years resolution yesterday and its that im going to work on the fact that i tend to distance myself from people and push people away. I really need to get back out there and hang out with my friends more. My friends will call to hang out and i either wont pick up the phone or i tell them ill call them back and i never do. I dont have the guts to tell ppl when i dont feel like hanging out. But thats not cool of me because not calling back or not answering their calls is a lot more fucked up and i dont do it to be mean, i really dont know why i dont wanna hang out with them...i just dont. But i think im gunna start gettin myself to because who knows it could be a lot of fun. I used to be out with my friends ALL the time but i think what happened was people started saying things and drama would happen and then i wasent able to trust my friends and trust is a big thing to me so i kinda think i do it and keep to myself so i dont get hurt but sometimes u just gotta put urself out there and take risks. Its just weird because i am very talkative and social, im not shy at all. I could talk to anyone. And i usually do i make friends REALLY easily, people always tell me that they think its weird because they feel comfertable with me right off the bat and im a good "ice breaker" i guess haha. I dunno im just really friendly and "wild" as all my co workers say hahaha i dunno maybe its just cuz im always laughing. So maybe thats another thing...maybe the only reason i was getting sad was because i was keeping myself alone for so long. I like to be around people but just not some of the people from my highschool. I dunno its weird haha Im a very hard person to read or understand. Most ppl just know me as "oh courtney haha shes the outgoing girl that will make friends with anyone right away and is always cracking jokes and making people laugh". I really dont think that anyone would ever think that i could ever be sad or depressed because even when i am i dont come off that way at all. I always appear to be such a happy person, and i meen i am a very happy person but theres just sometimes where im sad...like the last couple days but u know what i think it happens to everyone and it passes, just like it has for me :]
Alrighty well im gunna get goin!!! byeee :]
~!*court*!~ |
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| tired |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|01:12 pm] |
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Alright so ya im pretty much just tired like ALL the time. My throat hurts...and i feel like total shit. It hella sucks. I dont even wanna get outa bed in the morning. I have a 30 page business plan thing due on wed and i havent even started it. Im hella screwed cuz i dont even know wtf im supposed to be doing. Im stressed...feel like crap...and wanna go to bed. ugh it sucks!!! i wanna feel better!! i need a hug :-( . |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|08:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
Ok so i just need to write...I dont know what is going on with me right now. Im just so down...all ive done today is lay on the couch, i could barley get myself up to take a shower. I just dont want anything to do with people right now, i just wanna be left alone by myself. Im pushing people away and distancing myself from ppl...i dont know why the hell im doin it or what the fuck i want. I got invited to 2 of my friends partys for tonight but i dont wanna go to either of them. My parents are at a friends house and they invited me to go along to that also but i dont want to. Im gunna stay home by myself, lay on the couch, cuddle up with a blankie, pop some popcorn, and watch a movie. My mom just called me to make sure i didnt wanna go with them and i just broke into tears. She kept asking me what was wrong and if anything happened. I kept telling her no and that i just want to be alone. Then she said something to me..she said "Ok well if something did make u upset u would tell me right? I want you to know you can talk to me about anything". wow...for the first time in my life i feel totally comfertable opening up to my mom...i meen it never shoulda been hard shes ALWAYS been there for me and is a pretty easy person to talk to but im just not the type to talk about my feelings with others. After 12:00 tonight it will just add on to another year i havent seen my real dad...another year i havent gotten to see my baby brother Jadon damn...sometimes i totally forget i even have a little brother...thats horrible :-/ . Ive only gotten to meet him once but i still love him. I just want a fuckin normal family, dont get me wrong my family that i live with is great i couldnt ask for a better one. Theres just always that piece missing...its like i have a whole other family out there...uncles..aunts...grandparents...a dad...cousins...a brother...i havent seen any of them sense i was 9. My dad was the one who left! it didnt meen my whole family had to follow in his foot steps for gods sake i was only fuckin 9, i was a little girl and i had to grow up thinking i did something wrong to cause it all. He was the one who told me..."Have Tom be your real dad! let him raise you!" i yelled "ok i will!" and that was the last time i ever talked to him. And u know what the fight was all over...ME LOOSING MY FUCKIN TOOTH! i called to tell him i had lost my tooth and he told me that i should bring it to his house to put under the pillow and again i always felt torn between my parents and felt bad for everything so i said that sense i lost it at my moms that i was going to put it under a pillow here and the next one i loose i would take to his house (i was trying to be fair to my mom and not hurt her feelings). Thats when he said that to me...way to loose a daughter huh...over a fuckin tooth. When i was with my dad everything was always my fault, non stop guilt trips about EVERYTHING i did or said...maybe thats y now days its sometimes hard for me to stick up for myself because when i was younger i always felt like i was below everyone. A part of me hates him for leaving me...but a part of me loves him even more for doing it. Who knows what kind of person i would be today if he helped raise me...i def. doubt i would be as good as a person as i am now. One of my biggest fears is him dying before i get to see him one last time. I just want to hug him and tell him that i forgive him...honestly i think he probably needs that closure more then i do. Im sure it would help me a lot also tho. A part of me really wants to invite him to my graduation this year...i dont even have to talk to him...but just for him to see me graduate and see that i made it would meen so much to me. I just feel like i could never do that because it would ruin the day for my mom and dad and that they would get upset. SEE again with me always worrying about other peoples feelings! i meen its a good thing to be aware of others feelings but its held me back from doing so many things ive wanted to do in my life. Maybe ill write him a letter...maybe just writing wouldnt hurt my parents feelings as much. But i meen neither of them know what it feels like to loose a family that u loved...not just a father but a whole family. One day...maybe not at this point in my life...but one day i hope to reconnect with that side of the family and i am planning on having a good close relationship with my little brother jadon...it all takes time i guess...WOW ok so ya..id be totally suprised if anyone actually read this whole thing lol and if not thats totally fine cuz a journal is used to get out ur feelings in right? haha |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|05:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
Do u ever feel alone sometimes? like the whole world is rushing past u as u stand in one place...stuck with no where to turn. It hurts to think of the past...to think of him...to remember how it used to feel to be in love. Im so tired...tired of trying to start fresh with my life...tired of all the lies im told day in and day out. All i want is to feel complete...for someone to love me the way i deserve...to just move forward with my life and bring nothing but happiness to it here on out. I love my life...that fact is true...its just hard living it with out you. Im happy for all the memories ive been blessed with, but why have them if all they do is cause me pain to think about? Im over him, i know thats true...he wasent the man for me, and he set me free. But if im free then whats killing me?
Ya...sorry i needed to vent a lil if that doesnt make sense then thats ok cuz i just wrote it as i was thinking. Ive just been sad lately and been thinking about the past a lot. Im just tired of all guys just wanting sex from me, guys see me as a peice of ass and im tired of it. Im not a slut, i dont just sleep with anyone, i dont hit on guys that i dont like , i dont tease for fun...so i dont know why the fuck guys think its ok to try and just get sex from me. Its disrespectful and im tired of it! i want someone to like me for me! not for just the way i look. I really liked mark i thought he was a great guy and hell i still do. Shit may have happened between us but i still have the same feelings for him that i did before. i just wanna meet him soon. we have been talking for about 2 months now getting to know eachother and i feel that we should take the next step in meeting eachother. I understand he has his own things goin on in his life and he is a busy guy...still tho how will i ever know if there could be anything more with him if we never meet. I cant do an online relationship...i need someone that will be able to be there for me. Im not saying i would want the person to drop everything for me or for whenever i need them...just someone i can see...and cuddle with...and just be with. Someone who truly cares for me...thats all i really need. well ya im gunna get goin so i will write more some other time <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| :] |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|10:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
Ok so the past 2 days have been a blast!!! My parents went outa town and up to the moutains on thursday n i was expecting them back on friday night so i had some of my friends come over. Haha...man was that fun...lol. Thheenn my dad called me on friday and told me that they decided to stay another night so i had the house to myself all yesterday also :]. It was kinda last minute but i still had a few of my friends over again. omg it was soo funny!!! we all got HELLA drunk and piled 4 ppl into my shower lmao...do not ask me y we did that because i really couldnt tell ya. O and FYI we wernt naked! haha the guys had boxers on and i had my bathing suit on lmao. o man o man good times...But ya i just got finished with taking melanie home and couldnt go back to sleep so now im just waiting for my family to come back home and for the house to be HELLA loud again lol. Hmmm...well...i cant really think of anything else to talk about. SOOO im gunna be goin :] byeee <3 |
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| Pissed off |
[Dec. 29th, 2005|01:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
Ok..so im really confused and pretty pissed off right now...the guy ive been talkin to mark isnt really the guy i thought he was. My friend sent me a link earlier today that had a pic of pete wentz which was one of the exact same pics mark sent me saying it was him. I thought it looked similar to pete but i never woulda thought it was actually him! i am shocked that mark would lie to me and trick me like that...fuck i dont even know is mark is his real name. Then i did some looking and saw that another one of his pics wasent him again...it was pete wentz again. I really dont know wtf to believe or think. Obviously he isnt the guy i thought he was...i cant believe ive been talkin to a complete stranger this whole time. Who the fuck knows...maybe EVERYTHING he ever said about himself was a lie. This sucks too cuz i really liked him and thought he was a great guy but u know if someones gunna send me fake pictures of themselves and post fake pics up on myspace then fuck it theres no way i can trust them. I told him straight up in the beginning that one thing that ment the most to me was that ppl be honest and god damn sending me fake pics thats gotta be one of the most dis honest things anyone has ever done...who else knows what was a lie. Fuck i dunno maybe hes not even really 17 maybe hes some old weirdo just tryin to pick up on younger girls for fun...i dont even know what the fuck to think. im just really creeped out right now and bothered. I opened up and told him things...i cant believe i trusted someone i didnt even know with personal things about my life...god damn...almost 2 months of talkin to this guy and its all down the drain...i dont even know who the hell ive been talkin to. IM SICK AND TIRED OF GUYS LYING TO ME AND FUCKING WITH ME. this shit has got to be one of the weirdest LOWEST shit anyone has ever done and im sick of it. Fuck liers and fake ppl! |
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| sad |
[Dec. 27th, 2005|09:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
My cousins just left to go back to wyoming...i wont get to see them tell summer...im really sad right now :( i hate having to say goodbye to ppl i love. ugh well im gunna go back to sleep...nothing better to do anymore. |
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| Fun Fun Fun |
[Dec. 25th, 2005|11:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
Ok so ya this week has been a BLAST!!!! My Aunt Kim, Uncle Dave, cousins Emmy and Nate, and brother Mike were all here! i LOVE LOVE LOVE having my favorite cousins emmy and nate and my awesome bro down!!! we always have SOOOO much fun, even if we arnt doin anything lol. Ok so lets see...My cousin Em and i went to the mall and went shoppin about 3 times this week lol (we are goin again tomorrow morning! After Christmas sales baby!!!) ahah. Umm soo ya ALOT of funny shit has been going on...way to much to explain so we will just leave it at that me and Em made a lot of new memories to look back on haha. Oh Oh!!! and we decided that for our graduation present we are going to go on a cruz!!! YAAA BABY!!! hahah i cant WAIT!!! it is going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun!!! :] :] :]. But ya lets see...i miss mel...i havent seen her ALL week and that is REALLY weird to me cuz im ALWAYS with her lol shes like my hip haha. But my cuz Em will be headin home on tues so that meens Melanie time! haha. I REALLY dont want my cuz to go home tho...i really wish that she lived down here...shes the ONE person who knows me inside and out and knows me pretty much better then i know myself, i dont know what i would do with out her. My brother is leaving tomorrow :[ it makes me hella sad because he is like the best brother anyone can ask for and i dont get to see him very often because he goes to college up in Chicago...but i love anytime i get to see him. So ya...the whole family came over for christmas dinner and stuff tonight it was awesome. Its always a blast when everyone gets together. The boys are actually still downstairs playin poker ahah woo hoo lol. SO lets see...i dont really have much to say...i got an ipod nano for x-mas so ive been uploading songs onto it like all day i LOVE it!!! best gift ever!!! lol. Umm yaa welllll im gunna get goin cuz i cant really think of anything else to write... :]
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! <3 <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| Happy |
[Dec. 20th, 2005|12:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
So today was a pretty good day. I woke up at about 12 and went to the movies with my mom and little sisters. I really enjoyed doing that because i dont really get the chance to go out and do something with my family anymore so ya i had fun. Then i came home and my Cousins Emmy and Nate were here from Wyoming!!! i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo HAPPY to have my cuz emmy here!!!! shes like my BEST friend in the whole entire world!!! I love every second i get to spend with her and shes gunna be here for a week so i cant wait! its going to be a blast! ok well ya i dont really have much more to say...im going to go to bed! night! <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| :D |
[Dec. 16th, 2005|08:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
I AM VERY HAPPY!!! :D!!!
*End of story*
<3 |
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| blah |
[Dec. 16th, 2005|06:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
Soooo ummm today i pretty much did nothin but kick it with mel. Im REALLY excited that break starts tomorrow i really need the time off! Im so sick of high school i cant wait to get out! only 6 more months babay!!! I find myself pushin people away again...i really need to work on that. I honestly dont know y i havent been feeling like hanging out with many ppl. I have a lot of my friends calling me to hang out lately but i never return their calls or answer my phone. The only ppl i like to be around are pretty much Mel, and Dulce...i dunno whats goin on but im just like distancing myself from ppl lately. Hmm..i dunno lol im confused on y im doin it haha. I meen im happy...i just think im tired of the same old shit, im ready to get on with my life and start my future. Im trying to figure college out and what exactly i want to do and i dunno its all just so confusing, im excited to see where ill end up in my life but im also scared. I have ALOT on my mind and im just trying to sort everything out lol. All ppl seem to do is lie out here and it seems like theres no escape from it, im tired of people lying and making up shit. I feel like i cant trust anyone at all, i hate it!. Maybe thats a reason y i dont like kickin it with a lot of ppl anymore...i dont wanna let to many ppl in on my life because im afraid they will fuck with it and start shit for me to deal with...ive had to many friends and ex boyfriends do that in my past. I am also really sick of guys and all them wanting nothing but a piece of ass! I am a good person with a big heart not just someone for u to fuck!! start looking past my appearance and get to know me for who i am! I swear the next guy who trys to pick up on me is gunna make me snap, its called respect...learn it. The one guy i feel actually likes me for me is Mark. He actually took the time to get to know me as a person and not just an object. Its refreshing to know that there is still a decent boy out there. Mark if u read this i want u to know that u are awesome and have some truly special qualities to u and i am sorry if i have been acting a little different i want u to know thats its not u at all and that i still like you a lot...i hope u still feel the same...but if not i understand. Ok well im REALLY tired so im going to head off to bed. night! <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| YYYEEPP lol |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|10:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | peaceful | ] |
So im just sittin here drinkin some yummy apple juice and talkin to my buddy Stanley.Hes fun to talk to cuz we fuck around hell of. im sarcastic and so is he so its like a compitition sometimes haha. Im tellin him about Mark :] I dont think hes to happy hearing about me talking with mark and how much i like him cuz he used to have a thing for me but its the truth and im not about to lead stanley on by talkin with him so im making it clear that im totally into mark and that its gunna stay that way and nothins gunna change that :]. I miss mark right now actually :[. Anywase tho...HAHAHAHAHA ok so im HELLA laughin cuz of me and Stanleys convo. ill have to show u some of it...
kawimike5226: i cant stop laughing
kawimike5226: lol
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: y? lol
kawimike5226: no reason
kawimike5226: lol
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: there has to be one lol
kawimike5226: i glad you found someone
kawimike5226: thats it
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: mmhmm ssuurree lol
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: but thanks im glad i found someone also :]
kawimike5226: can he compete with your mouth
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: he doesnt have to cuz hes not an ASSHOLE!! like some ppl...
kawimike5226: i may act like one, but once you get to know some people they are actual really nice.
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: eh...ya but i dont wanna waste my time
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: OOOOOOOOOOO!!!! u just got TOLD!!! lol
kawimike5226: exactly
kawimike5226: remember you told me that anything i say is worthless like the name courtney
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: omg is that the best u could come up with?! LAME!
kawimike5226: ha ha lol
kawimike5226: cat got your tongue
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: o no no i was just dumb founded by how much of a moron u are proving urself to be right now
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: :]
kawimike5226: ouch that hurts back at you
kawimike5226: muah
kawimike5226: lol
kawimike5226: why moron, why not jackass
kawimike5226: sucka
kawimike5226: lol
kawimike5226: you know it is true. you just do it to guys that bust easy
kawimike5226: ha ha ha ha
kawimike5226: what now
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: im sorry but i have sex with guys that arnt like u
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: they can actually last
kawimike5226: like 5 minutes
kawimike5226: someone is getting a little angry
kawimike5226: lol
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: ive heard u last about 2 mins...is that ur new record?!
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: congradulations!!!
kawimike5226: thanks for the congrats
kawimike5226: lol
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: anytime let me know when u get up to 3 mins and ill give u a cookie!
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: haha
kawimike5226: what kind can i choose
kawimike5226: lol
kawimike5226: how about chocolate chip
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: eh naw im not to big on chocolate sorry
kawimike5226: why you probably have tasted all the flavors
kawimike5226: lol
kawimike5226: :-D
kawimike5226: are you diabetic yet
kawimike5226: lol
kawimike5226: :-D
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: =-O
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: at least i didnt have to get my stomach pumped by swallowing to much cum!!
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: lol
kawimike5226: is that your o face
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: ya the face ull never be seeing me make
kawimike5226: i know you will be screaming
kawimike5226: lol
xoNoGrlSoSweetxo: ya maybe "help me "...but thats about it
Ok so ya...hhahhaa aparently im a "smartass" to him...and i meen im not gunna lie i def. enjoy it haha. Its all in fun tho. So ya...hmm...that was probably pretty boring for u to read...sorry...lol but ya ummm...i think im gunna head off to bed now and think about someone special...*mark* :]. night guys! <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| confused... |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|10:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
So im really confused right now...I like this boy name Mark a lot! He says he likes me too but i dunno sometimes i question it. I know i really shouldnt but thats just how i am. Its really hard for me to trust ppl esp. guys i care a lot about with my feelings and i dunno im fallin for this boy really fast and it scares me. I dont want to get hurt again...ive been hurt soooo bad before and just dont wanna give another person the power to hurt me. I find myself pulling back sometimes and putting a wall up but then i tell myself no because if someone or something makes u happy u shouldnt run from it. Sometimes i wonder if hes not really over his ex g/f...and to be completley honest it bothers me, but it is not my place to worry and ask him about it because i am not his g/f. I meen its cool that he still talks to her but like she still calls him "babe" and they say they miss eachother so i dunno im just confused. Bottom line is i like him a lot and i really wanna see where things can go with him but i dont wanna let my gaurd down and get hurt...confusion...confusion...confusion... |
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| Lalalala |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|08:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
sooooo today was a pretty good day. lets see...i went to school...got out at 3:10, then headed over to work to get some candy canes for some friends for christmas :] . Thhenn i went home for a lil and went back to my work to kick it with dulce on her lunch. I was supposed to kick it with my friend kevo tonight but i dunno hes one of my best guy friends but i just had a weird feeling about kickin it with him alone cuz i dunno hes been actin like he used to when we were goin out lately and i dont really know if his intentions towards me are still as just friends so i decided not to kick it with him alone so i just told him i couldnt. i feel kinda bad but ya know sometimes u gotta follow ur gut. So instead i went to the mall with Mel and did some christmas shopping for my family. I got my mom a nice watch, my dad some nice cologue, and my little sisters some cds. So ya i got my family covered lol. well yaa there really isnt much more to talk about so im gunna go. byee <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|02:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
So...ive been thinking y ive been so sad lately and i realized y...i miss my real dad and john...Heres the thing...this was around the last time i saw my real dad when i was 9 and i dunno sometimes i get down around this time cuz it always just adds another year on to the last time i saw him. Right now its been 8 years. damn thats a long time, i wanna say i hate him but i know deep down i dont. You cant hate ur dad...i meen hes a part of me. Sometimes i just wanna see him just even if it was for a split second to say hi. So i can see how hes doing and so he can see how much his little girl grew up. But i dont think i could ever do that because it would hurt my mom and especially my step-dad who adopted me as his own this past year. And dont get me wrong i meen im not lookin for my real dad to take my ste-dads place cuz i meen thats impossible my step dad is the one who raised me and was there all these years he will always be my true dad. But its like sometimes i feel like a part of me is missing...is that normal? I meen im not depressed or upset about how my life turned out because i am a very happy person and love my family very much. but its just like i dunno...around certain parts of the year i think about him more then usual and it gets me down sometimes. O well tho i meen it will pass. Now about john...i dunno...i just find myself missing him sometimes...its not that im still in love with him or want to be with him again because that would never work. I think i just miss the feeling of love and having someone there for u. i dunno...i just have a lot on my mind right now but it will get all cleared up soon. i have work so i have to go! byee <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| Ugh Tired |
[Dec. 10th, 2005|05:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
Ok so today was a pretty down day for me. Mel spent the night last night and we got hella wasted. It was fun but i meen i dunno its kinda gettin old. Im not really into the whole party scene so when i drink i like to just drink and chill with a few close friends, but now it seems like thats even getting old. I dunno i just get scared sometimes because after i drink i always seem to get a big guilt trip because my mom thinks im like the golden child. I meen ya she knows that ive drank before but i dont think she would ever think i would sit there and do it in our own house ya kno? Its kinda a respect thing...i dunno. There is just so much shit going on right now and so many ppl are starting drama and its like i always think "Dont these ppl have better things to do with their life then make up lies about other ppl?!" i dunno its just hella lame and im gettin sick of it. Im tired of girls saying shit because they think their boyfriend likes me or that they dont want their boyfriend bein my friend anymore even tho we have been good friends for years before they even met them because they find out that me and their boyfriend now used to go out. I dunno, see this is exactly why i dont have a lot of girls as my friends, this is why i perfer to have guy friends. Its just so much easier. But then when my guy friends get girlfriends their girlfriends get all jealous and start shit. Im going to clarify this to everyone right now...i DO NOT and WOULD NOT...EVER try and take someone elses boyfriend. I am far from a slut and would never try to ruin someones relationship. If you were to take the time to get to know me rather then just judge me out of anger or jealousy then you would see that i am a very nice person. And then maybe u would realize why your boyfriend has been my friend so long to begin with. Sorry for all the venting..lol i just have a lot to get out. But anywase ya...i think im going to cut back on the drinkin cuz i meen i dunno...i know i dont do it often but i never wanna turn out like my real dad and thats another thing that keeps me away from doing it as much as most high school kids. Ya so anywase...today im HELLA tired and didnt feel like doin much so let see...i woke up around 9...mel went home...i took my car in to get my tires rotated and oil checked...after that was done i went back and got mel...went home and took a shower...went over to mels for a lil...then we went to the tracy mall and walked around that for awhile...then i took mel home and ya...here i am. I also got kinda pissed when i came home because my parents were gone again. They never tell me where they are going and it pisses me off! i meen i check in with them and tell them where i am even when i dont have to just so they wont be worried but even when i call them each and leave a message do they call back...no! My mom did that today and it pissed me off. So i just got off the phone with my dad and i guess they are at a friends house. Damn sometimes i feel like im the adult and my parents are the kids cuz i meen fuck they go out and party more then i do. Thats kinda sad...lol but naw i meen their awesome parents, they love me to death, and there always there when i need them so theres not much more to ask for. Alright well i am hella tired so i think im going to stay in tonight and watch some movies by myself :]. byee <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| Worried... |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|10:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
Ya so im really worried right now. Mark doesnt feel well AT ALL and is ALOT of pain, i know he will go to the hospital and they will make sure everything is ok but i still cant help but worry. I really wish i could do something to make him feel better and it sucks that i cant :[ . I really like this boy a lot! and i dont know what i would do if anything was to happen to him. Well im going to go and try to not worry and get my ass to bed. <3 |
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| Good day! |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|03:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
Heyyy! ok so ya today has been a really good day so far! school was actually not that bad. lets see...i got to my first class which is design and i finished my pj pants finally!!! there awesome! i cant wait tell i get to wear them! they are blue with stars and moons all over them :] yay! tthheenn my friends mooneca, shae and i took more random pics in class as usual. Gotta love my favorite lil freshman :]. Then we had a fire drill and so that sucked but i got to see a lot of my friends outside class cuz we were all in the same area so we just fucked around tell the fire drill was over. Haha it was funny my friend trent hella tackled me in the grass and got the butt of my jeans wet...silly boy...i dont see y he couldnt wait tell after school to get on top of me hahahaa J/K!!! :] but ya then we went back into class and omg i saw one of the GROSSEST things i have ever seen in my life!!! there are 2 HELLA weird chicks that sit in the back of my class and one of them fuckin sewed her cheeks!!! ya!!! HER FUCKIN SKIN!!! it was soooooooooooooo NASTY and she was all isnt this awesome blah blah i was just like wow...anyone that can get a needle and thread and stitch it threw her cheeks is fuckin insane! that girl needs to get some help. *shivers* ugh i get grossed out just thinking about it. ewww ok so ya im gunna change the subject now...so ya then i went to lunch with mel as usual n that was fun. tthheennn i went to my favorite class...composition :] and hmm..lets see...im tryin to think if anything interesting happened in there today...hmm well kevo got an A on his paper!! haha i kno ur probably like "wow so exciting... :-/ " but trust me for him that is good! so im proud of him! tthheeennn i went to DECA my business class and OMG i hate that class with a passion but its usually not tthhaattt bad cuz i have Ian, Logan, and Bianca in it. hahahaha today in class i could not stop laughing cuz logan and ian were telling me hella funny stories about them. Ian told me one about how when he was little he was so hyper and stuff his mom used to have to run him outside before he could go in and sit and do his hw hahaahaahaha i just pictured him gettin ran like a dog...HELLA funny...yaa ud probably have to be there to see how he said it lol but it was great. Oh and then he was telling me a story about how when he was a baby his parents had to like put ply wood over his crib and like hold it down with sinder blocks so he couldnt get out so it was like he was in a cage lol omg! when he told me that i was honestly laughing non stop and my eyes were like tearing up hella ugh GOOD TIMES! ahaha that seriously like made my day...i havent laughed that hard in forever...and thats rare cuz im usually always laughing but man today was just like non stop haha. :D. But ya..haha OH! before i forget!!! so after school i was walking out to my car and when i was walking towards it i noticed something on my windshield. There was a single red rose...ya...i dunno i looked around to see if any other cars had it on theres and there wasent so hmm...i dunno...maybe i have a secret admieror (cant spell that) lol. It was sweet but it doesnt matter anywase cuz i dont like anyone at my school. I like a special someone already :] Ok well ya i think i blabbed on about worthless shit enough today now i gotta go in to my work and buy some christmas stuff :] christmas is coming!!! i cant wait!!! ill get to see my cousin Emmy which is my BEST FRIEND EVER EVER EVER!!! she honestly completes me :] ok well ya byeee <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|03:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
AAlllrriigghhtt sooo today was a pretty boring day. I went to school and that was gay as always. Then after school mel and me went to fresh choice for some salad...HELLA GOOD! haha ya its like our fav. place to eat lol. So ya now im just sittin here with mel n listenin to music she told me to make this short so ya thats what im gunna do, not like i have much to talk about anywase. OO ya so i found out some pretty interesting stuff about me today...so i guess i like to go around and tell ppl i dont even know that my old friend Rachael is bipolar...ya...i dont even know. My friend erin was talkin with me and mel today and she mentioned how she saw Rachael somewhere and they were talking for a min and then she was all ya so i guess Rachaels bipolar and i was all "Shes bipolar? i didnt know that" and i really didnt. Thats when Erin laughed and told me that Rachael had said that she didnt like me anymore cuz she heard i was going around telling ppl she was. Thats fuckin funny if u ask me cuz i didnt even know she was...so ya...basically ppl are gay and like to make up stupid shit about me. Im sooo sick of high school and all the fuckin stupid ppl in it, ppl are pathetic if they have to make up shit about ppl to have fun. Either there just really fuckin gay or jealous...i dunno but w/e doesnt even faze me cuz i already got all the friends i need and dont need shit talking ppl in my life. Well ya mels telling me to "hurry up!!" haha so im gunna go now!!! sorry this entry was so boring lol byee <3
~!*court*!~ |
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| WOW!!! |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|06:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
Ok so ya...again wow...its been a year sense ive last writtin in this thing. I hella forgot my username and password for it so i just gave up on tryin to get in but for some reason it hella came to me tonight so ya i am going to be able to start writin in here again. Wow ok so ya...sooo much has happened to me this past year and soo many things have changed i dont even know where to start. I had finally moved on from Alex and met a great guy named john. He showed me the way i deserved to be treated and did anything he could for me. We were together for about a year and broke up in Augest of this year. Thinking about it id have to say that he was def. my first love. For everyone who knows me u would probably be thinking "I thought alex was" but the way alex treated me i dont think it could ever be concidered love. But ya It took a while but im finally over the heart break of me and john and ready to meet someone knew. I have been talkin to a few guys sense john but i just could never get my self to like any of the guys more then just friends so i decided to give up because i didnt want to be hurting anyone. Its weird how things work tho because just when i decided to give up i met a guy named Mark. It was soooooo weird how fast i clicked with him. Hes awesome!!! he has sooo many great qualities to him. Hes a hard worker, has a lil girl named emma, a complete sweetheart, and i can just relate to him on so many levels. I am really interested to see where things go with him. :]. Ok well lets see what else has changed...I have lost a lot of friends this past year. Its not that we got into fights or anything...people just change...thats life. Alot of my friends got into drugs and what not and im not into that stuff so i went my own way. I am still friends with the people who mean a lot to me tho no matter what their faults. I hang out with melanie all the time still, kick it with miss. corynne as much as i can, and still chill with kevo, pat, bran, and tod every once in awhile. I have ALOT of history with those 4 boys and love them to death! They all kinda started doin some things that im not into but im not about to judge them cuz of it. Their like family. I was actually talking to kevo for a long time at school today and we were talking about all the old times, i really miss those times...but at least i can think back to them :]. We decided that all of us are going to get together this weekend and hang out like old times, so im really excited about that. And he promised me their will be no drugs involved so that made me happy also. I cant trust people easily at all but kevo is one person i know i can always trust. Hmm...damn i really dont know what else to talk about...i cant really remember much else that has changed...im pretty much the same old courtney as always. Oh! i am getting better grades this year haha that is a big change :-P. My family is doing really well also. My dad is actually in Mexico on a business trip right now so its just the girls at home tell thurs. woo hoo haha. Oh one thing that has been going on lately tho that sucks is that someone i care ALOT about is acting like an immature lil boy and starting a lot of stuff for me. I dont really know why he is doing what hes doing, it may have something to do with his dad being sick and maybe hes just angry and taking it out on the wrong people but it still isnt right. He has said and done some very mean things and i got fed up. I dont plan on talking to him until he can have a civil conversation and actually talk to me about everything. I have a lot of history with this person also and dont wanna throw away 4 years of friendship over all this. Hopefully it will all be settled soon. Alright well i gotta go pick up my lil sisters from gymnastics so ill write more tomorrow or something. byeee <3
~!*court*!~ |
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